La mas Chingona.

Human connections, not a one-size fits all topic. It depends on the people, their life stage, and love language. I have learned through many bumps on my road that just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean that you can love them the way they need to be loved (or the other way around).

Where am I going with this? I promise, there is a point to my madness.

In my life, I have been witnessed to the principle that how much you put in, is how much you will get back. This is certainly true since I can remember. When I came to the US, I was mostly raised in Jamaica, Queens. A community of amazing people who saw me grow up and excel in my studies. I didn’t go to the best high school (I remember one year it was voted as the most violent school in the NYC) but I did meet amazing people who marked a key moment in my life and like me, had big ambitions to make a name for themselves. We stay focused and on path and quickly begun seeing doors opening that wouldn’t typically be opened for us.

Being an only child and away from most of my immediate family, my friends quickly became a lot more than that. I have always seen my friends as an extension of my family (and in some cases closer than most family members) but again – the transparency, loyalty, and respect that I have always put into those friendships I valued, is something that I have gotten back and in multitudes – My close friends, make the words best friend seem small and limiting.

My professional life when I graduated was no different. I spent my 20s and my early 30s glued to my career and doing everything I could do to prove myself and move up the ladder. I was with a partner who later became my husband; I believe that I partially chose him and disregarded all the red flags that then made him then my ex-husband, because having such separate lives allowed me to fully dive into my career. I felt this weight on my shoulders to make my parents proud and show them that all their hard work had not been in vain. Their sweat and tears made a life possible for me that my family back in Colombia, would say is privileged and fortunate. What they don’t know is how important and top mind this immigrant mentality plays in all the decisions I make; nothing has or is being given to me – it’s a result of many sacrifices and beating certain stereotypes along the way. It has never been about the money, but about elevating the quality of life for the next generation. While there were many things that led to my divorce, I would say our comfort with living such separate lives and working towards such separate goals, was a big contributor in the way it ended. Ultimately, our “bond” was quickly dismantled because we couldn’t love each other the way that the other person needed it. What we put in is what we got out of it.

Those who know me know that I am incredibly independent. Too much I would say in some cases so this idea of needing to be in sync with someone else other than myself and relying on them has always felt off for me. Until I got breast cancer.

As a cancer patient, the first thing that this ugly diseases strips away is your autonomy to decide what/when/how. For those who have gone through cancer treatment, you know that once you surrender all control (and I mean ALL control), you have a medical team who tell you what, when, how for everything. I never doubted my dream team, but I did always question their ambiguity about the success of my treatment during my chemo. It wasn’t until after it and surgery that they started giving me definite responses as far as how my body was reacting to the treatment and the success that it was bringing to my case. I can write this calmy NOW but back then, I literally had a daily countdown during the 6 months of my chemo, obsessed with having the doctors say “ ms. Vega, you are cancer-free”. I must have asked in millions of ways the same question to my doctors during that time and their response was always the same – “you must be patient and see how your body reacts to the treatments”. I knew then that the success of my story would rely on both of us and while I wasn’t thrilled with it, it was a humbling experience that opened up this idea that what WE as a team put in will have a big impact on what comes out at the end of the tunnel. I trusted them and put my life in their hands. I did my part by taking care of myself and abiding by their instructions and I knew as a team we would get through it. (did I really just WE my oncologist, breast surgeon and I? I am literally chuckling as I am reading this back).

As I reflect on love today, the various types along the way and the lessons each brings to make you a better version of you, I feel incredibly grateful for the wonderful souls that have crossed my life. Being in love is one thing, putting in the work to see it come to life is another – either way both are gems. I thank cancer for making me see a different side of love and having this immense sense of gratitude for those who have crossed my path and taught me a lesson. Not only has it elevated the importance of this sense of teamwork in all my relationships, but it has also given me clarity when that element is absent. I embrace that love can and will manifest in various forms – some which will come as a surprise and will bring me joy for just simply being alive to feel them. All I can do is give it my all and be open for those who value my role in their lives and who are excited to grow and learn together.

The reason for this blog today is because of a dear baddie breastie that I am honored to know and call my sister. Thank you for making a sad day, feel empowering. In her own words “you are a muthafkn la mas chingona and fly as fuck. Let that be your mantra today”. So, there it is.

Thanks for reading,

La mas chingona